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A laugh and a half with a couple of jokes
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A bit of “Santa Claus” humour to finish the year with!
Policeman vs the Kid!
On Christmas morning, a policeman on horseback came across a kid riding a brand new bike.
The policeman asked "Did Santa give you that bike".
When the kid answered “yes” the policeman said "well, next time tell Santa to put a tail light on it!" and handed the him a fine.
As the policeman was leaving, the kid asked "did Santa give you the horse?"
The policeman jokingly said “yes” to which the kid retorted, "well, next time tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, not on top!"
Santa’s problems!
One Christmas, a long time ago, Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip; but there were problems ...... everywhere!!
Four of his experienced elves were away sick and production was lagging badly, the trainee elves couldn’t produce toys as fast as the regular ones!!
Then, Mrs. Claus popped in to tell Santa that her mother has just arrived to stay for Christmas!!
Santa went to harness the reindeer only to find three of them were lame and two had jumped the fence and run away, heaven knows where to!!
Then, just when he began to load the sleigh the doorbell rang giving him a huge surprise, several large toy-bags fell to the ground, scattering their contents all over the place!!
Needless to say, Santa Claus was in the worst of all possible moods, in terms of playing the “Bad Santa” role Billy Bob Thornton never got close to how bad tempered the real Santa was feeling this day!!
Santa went to the door expecting another problem. But when he opened it, there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree that she had brought especially to cheer him up.
The angel greeted him very cheerfully!!
"Merry Christmas Santa Claus. Isn't it just a wonderful day? I have a beautiful tree for you. See, isn't
it just the loveliest Christmas tree you've ever seen?”
“Oh, I see your elves are taking it really easy ahead of their Christmas break - and who is this lovely old lady, is she your mother?”
“I do believe it’s my lucky day, friendly hunters gave me some fresh meat from two reindeer they shot just down the road. I would love to share my good luck with you by giving you some of the meat for your dinner – no, looking at that huge tummy of yours I will give you it all!!!”
“By the way, where would you like me to put the Christmas tree?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree!!!!!!!!!
Policeman vs the Kid!
On Christmas morning, a policeman on horseback came across a kid riding a brand new bike.
The policeman asked "Did Santa give you that bike".
When the kid answered “yes” the policeman said "well, next time tell Santa to put a tail light on it!" and handed the him a fine.
As the policeman was leaving, the kid asked "did Santa give you the horse?"
The policeman jokingly said “yes” to which the kid retorted, "well, next time tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, not on top!"
Santa’s problems!
One Christmas, a long time ago, Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip; but there were problems ...... everywhere!!
Four of his experienced elves were away sick and production was lagging badly, the trainee elves couldn’t produce toys as fast as the regular ones!!
Then, Mrs. Claus popped in to tell Santa that her mother has just arrived to stay for Christmas!!
Santa went to harness the reindeer only to find three of them were lame and two had jumped the fence and run away, heaven knows where to!!
Then, just when he began to load the sleigh the doorbell rang giving him a huge surprise, several large toy-bags fell to the ground, scattering their contents all over the place!!
Needless to say, Santa Claus was in the worst of all possible moods, in terms of playing the “Bad Santa” role Billy Bob Thornton never got close to how bad tempered the real Santa was feeling this day!!
Santa went to the door expecting another problem. But when he opened it, there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree that she had brought especially to cheer him up.
The angel greeted him very cheerfully!!
"Merry Christmas Santa Claus. Isn't it just a wonderful day? I have a beautiful tree for you. See, isn't
it just the loveliest Christmas tree you've ever seen?”
“Oh, I see your elves are taking it really easy ahead of their Christmas break - and who is this lovely old lady, is she your mother?”
“I do believe it’s my lucky day, friendly hunters gave me some fresh meat from two reindeer they shot just down the road. I would love to share my good luck with you by giving you some of the meat for your dinner – no, looking at that huge tummy of yours I will give you it all!!!”
“By the way, where would you like me to put the Christmas tree?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree!!!!!!!!!
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